Fast forward to February of 2014, when we had "The Talk." We decided that I would discontinue my birth control pills (what a waste of money!) and do the "not trying, but hoping" method. As a control freak, that lasted all of two months. I decided to buy the ovulation tests and started temping and generally tracking my cycle. I was determined to take control of the situation and become pregnant ASAP. I mean, if all my friends were getting pregnant without even trying, surely this will happen to me, right? Spring went into Summer and then before I knew it, football season started. I started to become a little worried but EVERYONE told me that you should not start to worry until it had been at least one year. I agreed and stopped worrying for a month or so. Meanwhile my sweet Sister-in-law was going through her own infertility journey. She and her husband (my husband's brother) had been able to successfully conceive their first child shortly after trying. So, they thought that when they were ready for their second baby, it would be a snap. Well, unfortunately after trying for about 1 1/2 years, still no baby. So, they started treatment with their fertility doctor. The fact that someone very close to me was going through this meant that I got a cliff note version of what to expect. My SIL's advice was to go to the fertility doctor before a year and get the ball rolling. I of course thought, "Me?" "You think I need help?" It was definitely a hard pill to swallow. One major problem with infertility is that you rarely know ahead of time that it will happen to you. Obviously there are those that know early on in puberty that they would potentially struggle with cycle issues or endometriosis. But, for some of us, we have no idea what is ahead.
I made my first appointment with a fertility specialist on December 22, 2014. We did the initial round of blood work and I was scheduled for my HSG (Dye Test) for January 20, 2015. All initial tests came back normal except for a minor concern with my thyroid. I started taking Synthroid in January. My HSG came back normal as well. My husband was then tested and he came back "borderline." My doctor said that his numbers were not alarming, but that an IUI would be a big help for his boys. We started clomid in February of 2015. We did clomid for a total of 3 cycles. We did an IUI with the second cycle on Clomid. We were going to do one for the third cycle as well but we were out of town for ovulation.
After finishing three clomid cycles we decided to move on to injections plus IUI. We started injections in July of 2015. We had our second IUI on July 17, 2015. I was oh so hopeful for this one to work, but very much so prepared for it to not. It is commonly suggested that after three failed IUI attempts partnered with injections, the couple should look to try a new method. That advice scares me and excites me at the same time. It scares me because the next step after IUI is IVF. When I think back on what I knew about infertility before I was faced with it, I thought IVF was SUCH A BIG DEAL. I always assumed that those that underwent IVF were the most desperate and severe forms of infertility. All I could think of were the shots! blood work! Surgery! It was overwhelming just to think about! On the other hand, it excites me to move on to an option that has the best odds of anything else. My doctor has told me that we have about a 60% chance of IVF working for us. Where as with the IUI, we have about a 20% chance of it working. We must keep in mind that a normal cycle has a 20% chance of ending in pregnancy naturally. This may sound weird but sometimes when I am given a percentage I think about it regards to weather predictions. When you look at the weather forecast and it says "20% chance of rain today" I would guess that the majority of people would consider rain possible but not likely. Honestly, I really only pay attention to rain predictions when they reach 60%-70%. With that being said, its hard to have a lot of hope when numbers can seem so low.
We found out on July 27th that our IUI cycle #2 did not work. I thought I had prepared myself for the potential IUI failure, but I took the news terribly. I think the fact that it was my first round of injections and I had so much hope. I was so sad and depressed. I told my husband that this was too hard and I can't do this again. After a long day of sadness and tears, I woke up the next day with renewed hope.
Its so hard to explain the roller coaster of emotions. I am asked all the time if the "TWW" is really hard for me. At first when we were in the beginning stages of trying, it was torture! But, now that we have been at it for a while I start to feel as though its a safe time. During the TWW I have the hope of being pregnant without the reality of knowing. I can imagine that every little pull or cramp is the beginning of my little miracle. I can be tired and think, "is this a symptom?" When you are struggling with infertility this TWW is the only time you can feel a little bit pregnant. You can rest in the fact that you did everything possible and you can actually relax and just wait. No shots! No blood tests!
After we got the news that this past IUI did not work I decided that I wanted to go immediately in to the next cycle if injections and IUI. Before you start another round, a baseline ultrasound must be preformed to monitor any cysts on the ovaries. Unfortunately I had some cysts. I was so bummed!
After the third IUI cycle, we found out that it did not work.
